Now Boarding: Emotions

Kim Mason, Lower and Middle School Counselor

Emotions/Feelings -
 These words are generally used interchangeably to describe our subjective mental reaction to a circumstance, person, or thing. The movie Inside Out used five of the basic emotions thought to be universal among all human cultures: Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust, and Sadness. There are two more: Contempt and SURPRISE - as identified by psychologist Paul Ekman. I’m thinking we were all surprised by the news of a pandemic- I know I was.  

As parents, many of us are asking, “how can I best help my children manage their emotional and mental health during this challenging time of immense change, social isolation, and a new variety of stress?” I’m certain you are doing your best – making sure your kids exercise, following a schedule (especially for schoolwork), spending time outdoors; all while trying to maintain as normal a life as possible. If you are doing all this then I say, “great job!” as you are helping your kids feel safe and secure.  

Is it Enough? 
Maybe now the worry is – “should I be doing more?” You are doing plenty – laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, Zoom meetings, kids Zoom classes, preparing meals, creating schedules, sterilizing everything, etc. On top of that you are also worrying about kids screen time limits, or whether to relax limits, kids zoning out on video games, repeatedly saying they’re bored or tired, trying to schedule activities to keep them engaged, and how much time they spend in their room. Yes, I get it. It’s totally normal to worry and it’s totally normal for both you and your kids to have all kinds of emotions that vary day to day. 

Be the Pilot
 
The most important thing you can do is take care of your own emotional health. This has always been true – not just during this unprecedented time. The concept of “setting the emotional tone” is how you as a parent respond emotionally to a challenge, whether it be a family crisis or a global one. This “emotional tone” is the greatest influence on how your kids fare. See your parental role like the pilot of a plane, experiencing some turbulence, calmly addressing the passengers, acknowledging the situation, and providing clear expectations that everyone stay seated. The pilot does not want turbulence and we don’t want a pandemic, but it happens. As the head of the family, you first need to center yourself, then focus on navigating your family through this. 

Kids are resilient. Through any stressful, uncertain time they want to know, just like the passengers on the plane, someone is in charge. So, take care of yourselves, model this for your kids, and don’t run yourself ragged. Please, please don’t let your anxiety get out of hand, because in a household, anxiety is as contagious as a virus. 

Secure the Plane 
There is an overwhelming amount of tips and advice out there in “googleland,” but here’s a constant truth - every family is different, and every child in the same family is different. At the beginning of this piece, I introduced emotions and underlined the word “subjective” because each person – each child, each adult, will have emotions that come from their own unique perspective of the world. Those basic, universal emotions were further nuanced by psychologist Robert Plutchik in Wheel of EmotionsThe difference between children’s emotions and adults emotions is the way they are expressed or “acted out”. Children tend to be more demonstrative as they are still developing self-regulation. Think about the tantrums of a two-year-old or a 13-year-old yelling how “you are trying to ruin my life,” when you take away their phone privilege.  

Steady yourself first, listen to your passengers (your kids), validate their feelings, communicate honestly (being developmentally appropriate), and be flexible. Want your kids to feel safe, let them see and hear - I’m here and I’ve got you. 
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